THE QUESTIONABLY SOURCED CHRONICLE OF DEVIOUS JOE AND THE UNNAMED HERO: DEVIOUS ENDING

100% BY NICNAK

59 YEARS LATER... It was a normal day like any other, I grabbed my robe and my belt and headed off to the local dojo to enhance my skills. I didn't want to go here, to this run down old school, but my mom forced me to go after she saw me with bruises on my face. "Assholes, should've known better than to walk home alone on a friday night, they were picking on me all day but I could never expect them to pull off such a disgusting act." I continued to walk down the beat up sidewalk and soon I ended up at the dojo. "Damn, place looks like it got burned down at one point," I say, slowly waltzing into the dojo, I see that the school itself on the inside is nice looking, though the smell of burned wood does linger in my nose other than that it's a fine place. "Welcome young one, to our beautiful dojo! I see you've brought your own gear, do you intend to hone your skills to become stronger than you ever have?" "Yeah, I guess" I wasn't that inclined to go but this teacher seemed nicer than the ones at my school so I went along with it. "What the hell happened to this school?" I asked. The teacher, who seemed a little confused by the question, replied, "What do you mean?" "I mean the smell, the look, the overall rundown look of the place?" "OH that, yes there was something a fair amount of time back, about 50-something years ago there was a fire, burned down the whole dojo, killing about 15 students I think, what a tragedy..." Holy shit 15 kids? I didn't know this place had THAT kind of history behind it, oh well it's in the past, might as well go with it like I have been. When we arrived at the class I'd be in I was astounded at the sheer GIRTH of the students there, I must have arrived late in the year right? Maybe it wasn't my fault... but it was, it in every way was my fault for not training to be as amazingly beefy as the other students. I think I'm getting way too much into the amount of mass these guys had... I'm sure they all were just some kids who wanted to protect themselves from whatever threat their parents were telling them was dangerous. While I was looking around the class I saw a weird symbol embedded in the wood on a nearby doorframe. (It looked something like this: >:] ) While I was examining the symbol the teacher all of a sudden yelled at me, "STOP, GET AWAY FROM THAT DOOR!!!" "W-what?" I didn't think the teacher who had been so nice to me before would yell at me in such an aggressive manner. None-the-less I followed and slowly walked away from the doorframe. Suddenly the teacher returned to his calm demeanor and then grabbed the attention of the class (although they were already staring at him from all the yelling earlier) "Okay class, time for your first lesson." SHIT, okay so I am just a weak idiot, oh well maybe this class will get me on par with some of these guys... "Alright everyone, now I want you all to very closely listen to me and watch my movements exactly, wouldn't want anyone to FAIL would we? HAHAHAHAHAHA" The class then burst out in laughter, all of them laughing their lungs out as they had a very devious look on their faces. I suddenly realized that the faces they were making were very similar to the one on that door frame earlier...>:]... what could this mean? I tried following along with his movement but they were all just too damn DEVIOUS, devious poses, devious language, even those DEVIOUS FACES from earlier... I was overwhelmed by just how devious everything was. It made me doozy, nearly unconscious, I needed to get out of here as fast as humanly possible... So I ran towards the door hoping to escape, but then out of nowhere the TEACHER of all people stopped me, with a devious look on his face he yelled at me, "YOU UTTER FOOL... YOU CAN NOW NEVER ESCAPE THIS PLACE OF SIN..." What the fuck was he talking about??? I was just coming here because my mom said so, so I could beat those asshole bullies into the ground, so I could be better... Not to be a devious jerk. I had to leave as soon as possible, so with my size I was able to easily run past the teachers legs and out the front door to freedom, however the teacher himself didn't run after me at all, instead he laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU IDIOT, YOU CAN'T ESCAPE, YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE, JUST YOU WAIT, YOU'LL COME BACK, THEY ALWAYS COME BACK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" I didn't really care what he was saying anymore, I just ran faster than I ever have back to my moms house so I could at least have SOMEONE who could help me grasp the situation. I returned to my moms, I quickly ran inside trying to find her, "MOM???, MOM!!!!!" I screamed my throat out trying to find her, when I saw her in the kitchen, cooking what seemed to be dinner. "Mom? Listen I know I'm home early but you have to listen to me, something weird happened at that dojo you sent me to and I can't explain it... When she replied she wasn't my mom anymore, at least it felt that way... "OH YOU CHILDREN ALWAYS NEVER UNDERSTANDING THE FUCKING POINT!!!!!" "M-mom? What are you..." She turned around to reveal the horrifying truth... After all, why did SHE send me to that school in the first place? Why would she put me in danger after seeing me in such a hurt state? I mean after all that sounds pretty deviou- SHE TURNED AROUND AND I SAW IT, THAT FUCKING GRIN, THOSE EYEBROWS, THOSE EYES, THEY WERE ALL DEVIOUS AS HELL. I KNEW IT, SHE SENT ME THERE TO BECOME ONE OF THEM... THIS LADY, SHE ISN'T MY MOM, SHE WASN'T EVEN MY MOM WHEN SHE SENT ME TO THAT SHITTY SCHOOL, SHE WAS DEVIOUS FROM THE START AND IT SHOWED. I NEED TO RUN AWAY SO I CAN LEAVE THIS CURSED TOWN FOR GOOD, THEN I'LL MAKE SURE TO NEVER TALK OF IT AGAIN TO ANYONE SO THIS CAN ALL JUST BE A BAD DREAM... A BAD... DREAM... A B-BAD... D-D-DREAM "SWEET DREAms sweety..." I woke up in a weird looking cabin as a light engulfed my gaze, I knew I wasn't home anymore, but I'm still far from where I want to be... *AHEM* "Uhhh hello there, are you j-" "WHAT AM I DOING HERE, WHERE AM I, WHATS HAPPENED???" "Whoa son, calm down I'm getting to that. Now lets just move on to the questions..." Questions?? I didn't need to answer to this weirdo, I just want to leave this mess behind and move on with my life but no, I needed this shit to cap off my day, just PERFECT. "Okay question one.. And this may startle you but..." Jesus could you be any slower??? I have shit to do just get on with the questions... "Have you ever experienced anything... DEVIOUS LATELY???" "W-what the fuck did you just say???" "Have. You. Experienced. Anything. DEVIOUS. Hmm?" "L-let me out of here, now..." "I'm sorry but I can't do that, you need to ans-" "I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU "CAN" OR "CAN'T" DO, GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW, NOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT OUT OF HERE NOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!!!" "Okay, okay, my god just calm down, I'll go get someone who can help you with that..." It's been 3 hours, I'm hungry, cold, and nearly out of breath, but thats all normal now, all I want is to GET OUT, but they won't let me... And I have no clue why... Suddenly the door opens and I expect the same man to come in, telling me he can't do anything about it again. However something else happened, something I never expected... A cloaked man walked in the room, he wore a grey hat and the front of his cloak there was a golden button pinning it together. Before I could even ask who he was he interupted me… "WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THE MAN NAMED _______ ___? " "W-who?" I asked, I must've not heard him, he didn't say anything at all... "I SAID" Damn he must be angr- "WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THE MAN NAMED _______ ___???? ANSWER ME!!" "I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU AREN'T SAYING ANYTHING!!!" "YOU ONLY DON'T WANT ME TO SAY ANYTHING, WHICH IS WHY YOU DONT HEAR ME, SO I'LL ASK ONE LAST TIME" Please, not him... Not the man who killed my grandpa's brother, please... "WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THE MAN NAMED DEVIOUS JOE???????" "NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW NOTHING OF THAT MAN I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FOR DISOBYING THE DEVIOUS WORLD EMPEROR HE WILL PUNISH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "BUT HOW COULD HE BE HERE??? HOW COULD THAT MAN BE HERE???" "BECAUSE YOU FOOL... I AM DEVIOUS JOE!!! "NO THAT CAN'T BE NO, NO , NO, NO NO NONOONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOONONO NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO "So how'd you do on the drug test Sam?" "I did great Damion!" "How could you have done that well? After all, you took some of that bong I gave you just last night!" Well you know me Damion, I'm always just a little bit of a... well let's just say... DEVIOUS fellow..." "HEH, GOOD ONE SAM, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" "I KNOW RIGHT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" "I MEAN AFTER ALL, WE ARE ALL A DEVIOUS JOE SOMETIMES... AREN'T WE?" "YOU GOT THAT RIGHT DAMION, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" "YEP, YOU KNOW ME RIGHT? AHHAHHAAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHHHAH!!!!" BUT WILL THE FUTURE BE DIFFERENT?